hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
