The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
