Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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