it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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