i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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