He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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