My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
