if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
