she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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