as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
