Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
