help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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