I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
