I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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