u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
