She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
