Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
