That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
