we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
