Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
