Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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