he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
