I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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