He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
