NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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