Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
