New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
