I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
