dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
