So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
