Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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