Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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