you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
