i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
