you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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