You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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