He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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