Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
