And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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