I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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