apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
