Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
