i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My dick has a subreddit
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
