I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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