she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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