I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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