i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
