my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
