Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
