she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
