Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
