I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
