I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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