I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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