too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
how drunk are you?
Several
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
