I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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