Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
