dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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