someone get that fucking seahorse.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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