I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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