I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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