dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
