also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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